Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Who the heck to I think I am???

So here I sit on my couch with tears in my eyes, wondering who the heck I think I am. Why do I think I can go back to school and do well? How do I think I am going to find time to study and work? How will I afford to live if I quit my job? I just wonder if I am cut out for this...

I am not as young as I once was. Maybe I am loosing brain cells or something but I am not doing well. I am not sure how to study anymore. I don't know how to make my brain remember the things I read. I don't know how to make it make sense to me. I am not sure how to make the information become more than just words on a page. I am just not good at this....

I am not writing this down on here to make everyone feel bad for me or worry. I am need to vent it out. I know that attitude is everything and that if I think I will fail... I probably will. I just need to have a minute to freak out and consider dropping out of school!! I won't really do it, but it is . Also I know that whether I know every step of the Nitrogen Cycle or the difference in Prokaryote and Eukaryote organisms does not reflect the kind of nurse I will be. I just can't help but think that if this class is not sinking in then... Who the heck do I think I am!!??

So I will shed some tears and have a minor freak out and then go to bed. But before I go to sleep I will say my prayers and be thankful that my professor will drop a test!!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sanka ya Dead?

Hello there my Blog Friends!! I am sure that you have all been wondering if I am alive. I mean who would blame you? It has been months since I have written on my blog. And because I am a self absorbed type of person... I like to believe you are all waiting with baited breath for a post from me!!

Well the wait is over and now you have a new, long, and hot off the press post from yours truly!!

I want to give you an update on my life!! Because why not let you all know all the inner working of my wonderful life! Buckle up my friends it going to be a fun ride! Also I want to make you aware that this is truly a journal entry, I want to make sure I have some of these memories written down some where! So I am sorry for the length of this post... Feel free to use that little "X" in the top corner at any time! :)

1: I am still living at my brothers house and I love it! We have a blast as roommates and really love all the space we have! Heck if we get sick of each other we can just go down the hall and it is like whatever is going on in the living room is not happening!! ( Launa I am sure that you know what I am talking about! :) I still have a the best roommates in the world and I love them. I would not be able to go through my life if I did not have these girls along with me. Life is hard, but having people in your life that know what you are going through makes it OK!

2: I went through the Temple on September 8th!!! It was truly one of the most wonderful days of my life. I have looked forward to this day for years. I have prepared for years and the timimg never seemed to be right. I kept praying for the time to be right, knowing that at some point it would be. When I met with my Bishop for tithing settlement last year and mentioned that I would like to go through the Temple when my Brother and Sister came home in September. He said OK lets keep visiting about that and see what happens. I will be honest I thought that this was once again not going to be the right time. But something amazing happened a few months later. I was in Sunday School and the ES came up to me asking that I meet with the bishop after church that day. When I got there he wanted to talk about my plans for the Temple!! I had not fallen through the cracks, he wanted to help me make my plans a reality! I am in no way saying that other bishops did not care about me or want this to happen. I have been blessed to have wonderful bishops along my way. I was simply blessed to have a wonderful Bishop at the time when the timing was right!!! So I kept planning, reading, studying and praying and meeting with the Bishop. The time was getting closer to when Keven Todd and Michelle would be here and that is when I planned to go, so they could be there with me. I knew this is what I wanted to do, but I needed to know that my Heavenly Father was OK with this. I am sure that you all have felt this at one time or another. The Fast Sunday in August was a wonderful day for me. It was the day I asked Heavenly Father to let me know if he was pleased with my decision. I went to church that day and had my prayers answered in so many ways. In sacrament meeting every adult that bore their testimony spoke about the blessings of the Temple. In Sunday School we learned about the Temples of the Old Testament. In Relief Society it was the Presidency who was teaching and she gave that lesson for me. I am not sure how this process works but I am pretty sure that she could have picked any topic. But she chose to gave a beautiful lesson on the Temple. I was given my answer and was on the right path!! I was asked to have another meeting with my bishop and much to my surprise it was my Temple Interview!! This was a wonderful interview and I know that Heavenly Father was not only aware of what I was doing but He was also happy and excited for me! Saying YES never felt so good!!

After meeting with my Stake President I was only a few days away. I was going to take a big step on my road back to my Heavenly Father. I chose the date of 9-08-2011 in the Logan Temple. I had made my calls to family and friends letting them know if they could make it, I would love to see them there. I know it was a sacrifice for all of them to be there with me. The love and support there for me is not something I will forget!! I love to see the Temple has always been one of my favorite Primary songs. I love to see the Temple, I went inside that day!!

3: Keven Todd, Michelle, Kaitlyn and Brycen came home for a visit!! It was the best 2 weeks of my summer!! We spent as many minutes together that we could! We had card game, lots of food, laughing and love! I needed to kiss my little people and hug their parents! I was counting down the days for months and once they landed all was right in my world!! While they were here we had "Fakesgiving" complete with all the fixin's! We had turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, petite peas, cranberry cult like behavior, poems, pies, frog eye salad, the traditional huge bowl of olives, pumpkin roll (with pumpkin), lots of laughing and fun!! But the best part for me was that my dad was there. He has not come to a family party for over 10 years. But it was just like old times, he spent his time talking with all my cousins, Michelle's family and even my mom and aunts!! It was truly something to be thankful for!! I am not sure what happened to him to soften his heart but I give lots of the credit to a little girl named Kaitlyn! She loves her grandpa and really she does not know him that well. But she is always talking to him, holding his hand and loving him with her whole heart. I beleive her little spirit knows more than she does and she is softening his heart, one hug and kiss at a time!!

4: I went back to school this fall!! Do you ever wonder "Who in the Heck do I think I am?" I have been asking myself that daily for the last month! I know now that there is a reason you go to college young. Going back is harder than I thought. I need to get a better grip on managing my time, getting to all my classes and making sure the information is sticking. I took my first test and lets just say it is a good thing they drop one!! I am taking Nutrition and Microbiology this fall. It is hard but... I can do hard things! Cross your fingers for me that I did more than give a donation to USU a month ago!! I am also working full time still at the hospital and supervising the Phlebs. I think I am just asking for stress!!

5: This has been the summer of Concerts!! I love a good concert and this summer did not let me down!! I saw: Due West, Lo Cash Cowboys, Yagertown, Diamond Rio, John Michael Montgomery, Clay Walker, Emerson Drive and Josh Groban!! I also saw Little Mermaid, Mary Poppins and Civil War and Anything Goes!! I am feeling pretty good about my summer fun!!

Well that is a little catch up on me!! If you made it this far in this post there are only a couple of possibilities about you! 1) You really love me and want to know all about my life. 2) You are really bored and need something to fill your time or 3) Both 1 and 2!! I will hope for 1 or 3, but at any rate I am back in the bloggin world! I will do my best to update more often... I am sure that will make your dashboard a little more lively!!

See you soon!!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I drink a lot of Bleach!

So I was watching Glee tonight!!! I love that show, the one liners are the reason I watch! On the episode today Sue Sylvester is being interviewed by Katie Couric for being the Worlds Biggest Loser. She was asked "How do you cope with that?" Sue's response was "I drink a lot of Bleach."

Well I can relate with Sue on this one! Not that I think I am the World Biggest Loser or anything! But I have had to find a way to cope. Do you ever feel like you life is not your own and that no matter what you do you are never on top. I have been feeling this for the last couple of weeks! And although I have not been drinking Bleach I have been drinking my fair share of Diet Coke and Diet DR. Pepper!

I think I just need to vent... For my own mental stability!!

PEOPLE DRIVE ME NUTS!!! I am so done with people AND all their issues! (Please imagine me screaming this at the top of my lungs for the best effect)

I am feeling better already! I think I will have drink on the Rocks and call it a day!!