You all know those days when you feel particularly bugged by the world in general!? I am talking the sock wrinkle, ran out of shampoo, could not find the car keys, missed breakfast, and hit every red light. All on your way to the one place you need be going right then. We have all had those days right? Please tell me I am not alone! On any given day any or all of those things would be fine. But then there are those days when these things threaten to put you over the edge!
Well today was not quite that day, but close! I found that I was getting irritated by little things. Like the fact that the clock was insistent on moving so slow. Or that patient in the waiting room who was yelling into the phone for 15 minutes. And to make it worse she was repeating the same thing over and over! I was bugged by red lights, the need to clean my house, the lack of motivation to clean said house. I also was bugged to see that it is pitch black at 5:30 pm, and I need to dig my coat out of where ever that place is I put it last spring!
So after deciding this is not a good way to feel I have decided to write down some of the little things that totally make my day! I think we can all be a freak in our own right. So I make no apology for these little things that brighten my world!
I love...
Crisp morning air
The smell of freshly sharpened pencils
Brand new crayons
Baby lotion
New socks
High thread count sheets
Loud (you can hear it when you move) bedding
Tulips
Daisies
The sound of my phone ringing
A clean room
An email from a friend
A letter in the mail, that is not asking for money
Cream of Wheat
The first snowfall
Laughing until my face hurts over something totally lame.
Crying, because sometimes you just need to
Chocolate
The sound of footsteps. Think heels on cement!
Ice cold water
Just out of the dryer hot towels
Babies laughing
String cheese
Sleeping with a fan on all year round
Having my face really cold and the rest of me warm and toasty while I sleep
Remembering the fun memories of our childhood as adults
Looking back through old pictures
Being with people who love me
my family
my friends
There are lots more that I could write down but i think that is a good start! I hope to remember these things more often and not let the "Other Stuff" get to me! Life is to short to spend lots of time being "Bugged." Unless you work for the CIA in which case being Bugged is really a good thing!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
At least the lights are pretty...
So there I was Monday night, sitting at my computer minding my own business. When out of nowhere something strange happened. I started to see flashing lights and lots of movement from, in and around my left eye. Everything with my right eye seemed to be in check. I was a little alarmed by this new development. So being like most people I made a status update on facebook! Something to the effect of " Seeing flashes of light from my left eye, pretty sure that is not normal." I figured anyone out there with knowledge on the subject would let me know. I got a pretty intense headache that lasted only about 10 minutes. So all thoughts that this could be a migraine were out the window. I just have flashing lights and what is best described as water ripples in everything I see for no good reason.
When my mom saw the post on facebook she called right away. She was concerned that I might have a tear in my Retina. What the heck? I thought you had to have some kind of trauma to do that sort of thing. I am no Eye Dr. but I am pretty sure the Retina is tacked down pretty well. And should not be coming loose like a filling placed in a cavity. The only trauma my head has faced would be the constant blowing of my nose. And it is not like I am trying to win an award and blowing much harder than necessary. Another friend commented on my status about a Retina tear and suggested I see a Dr. ASAP. Well I decided to sleep on it and see if the only light I saw in the morning was that of the rising sun.
Morning came and much to me dismay I was still seeing the little flashes. And although that are pretty and such. I like my life much better without them. So I decided I needed to get it checked out by a professional. I called my eye Dr's office and the nice lady on the other end told "He will want to see you for sure, because that is not normal." Great!!! I went to his office and did the regular eye exam. Most of which went rather well I thought! He was not sure what the problem could be. But NO RETINA TEAR so that was a good sign! He mentioned a number of things that could be the cause. Like a Migraine, stress, associated with the nerve damage in my shoulder, among other Dr jargon type things...
I am hoping it is just from my shoulder, that seems the most likely.
He wanted me to go have a Vision Field Study. This test will pin point the part of the eye that is effected. And it is also the cheapest test to do at this point! I felt good about this, I like cheap things! I went to the appointment today for this test. Let me just say it was super lame! Kind of like the very first video games. You look into a dome shaped thing. They flash tiny lights all around you. You are push a button when you see a light. Or when you "think" you have seen a light. (It is also a good way to question your sanity.) Really? Does the fact that I am always seeing some sort of light matter? I guess not because we did the test! Talk about pressure... I had 3 thoughts running through my mind during this test. 1) I feel like a pirate with this eye patch on. 2) I wonder if this is what Captain Picard feels like when he is on the Starship Enterprise. 3) Brian Regan and his stint about the eye Dr. in his stand up comedy act. "This is not a test you want to fail. If you do you come out with some sort of coming attraction Hubble Telescope glasses."
The test was over and the nice girl asked me what the Dr was looking for. And was very sweet and smiled when I told her. I asked her how things looked and like any good tech she said "I don't know, I just run the machine!"
So now I just wait to hear from my Dr. I hope he calls soon so I will KNOW!! But also so I can tell him that things are improving and the lights are becoming less and less!!! Because i am sure he is dying to know this!
When my mom saw the post on facebook she called right away. She was concerned that I might have a tear in my Retina. What the heck? I thought you had to have some kind of trauma to do that sort of thing. I am no Eye Dr. but I am pretty sure the Retina is tacked down pretty well. And should not be coming loose like a filling placed in a cavity. The only trauma my head has faced would be the constant blowing of my nose. And it is not like I am trying to win an award and blowing much harder than necessary. Another friend commented on my status about a Retina tear and suggested I see a Dr. ASAP. Well I decided to sleep on it and see if the only light I saw in the morning was that of the rising sun.
Morning came and much to me dismay I was still seeing the little flashes. And although that are pretty and such. I like my life much better without them. So I decided I needed to get it checked out by a professional. I called my eye Dr's office and the nice lady on the other end told "He will want to see you for sure, because that is not normal." Great!!! I went to his office and did the regular eye exam. Most of which went rather well I thought! He was not sure what the problem could be. But NO RETINA TEAR so that was a good sign! He mentioned a number of things that could be the cause. Like a Migraine, stress, associated with the nerve damage in my shoulder, among other Dr jargon type things...
I am hoping it is just from my shoulder, that seems the most likely.
He wanted me to go have a Vision Field Study. This test will pin point the part of the eye that is effected. And it is also the cheapest test to do at this point! I felt good about this, I like cheap things! I went to the appointment today for this test. Let me just say it was super lame! Kind of like the very first video games. You look into a dome shaped thing. They flash tiny lights all around you. You are push a button when you see a light. Or when you "think" you have seen a light. (It is also a good way to question your sanity.) Really? Does the fact that I am always seeing some sort of light matter? I guess not because we did the test! Talk about pressure... I had 3 thoughts running through my mind during this test. 1) I feel like a pirate with this eye patch on. 2) I wonder if this is what Captain Picard feels like when he is on the Starship Enterprise. 3) Brian Regan and his stint about the eye Dr. in his stand up comedy act. "This is not a test you want to fail. If you do you come out with some sort of coming attraction Hubble Telescope glasses."
The test was over and the nice girl asked me what the Dr was looking for. And was very sweet and smiled when I told her. I asked her how things looked and like any good tech she said "I don't know, I just run the machine!"
So now I just wait to hear from my Dr. I hope he calls soon so I will KNOW!! But also so I can tell him that things are improving and the lights are becoming less and less!!! Because i am sure he is dying to know this!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
It is going to be OK!
So let me say first and foremost that I am OK with my life. I am not loving every SINGLE minute of it. But for the most part I am OK with the way things are! I have a great family that is always there for me, awesome friends who love me, a good job that I happen to love, and the Church is true! I still think that there are times in our lives where being OK is the best we can do! Would I like some aspects of my life to be different? Sure I would. I would love for there to be less of me, I would love to make more money, I would love to add the that great family I talk about. So being OK is good enough for now. It is not easy to be alone in this big world, nor is it fun. However I would much rather be alone than in a bad or unhappy relationship. Because I know there are far worse things than being single. I have seen some of those relationships play out, and thank my lucky stars I am not faced with those kinds of trials.
Having said that...
Sometimes people who are in relationships or even married try to help a little to much. They tend to tip toe around those of us who are not there yet. I know they are trying to not rub their bliss into our faces. But truth be told this hurts even more. I want to know the fun things that are happening in your life. I want to know the details of your dates. I want to know the cute things he said to you that made you have butterflies. I want to be involved in your life! Please know that I am able to handle the fact that I am not there now. I will share my stories of this nature with you when the time comes. Believe me I have a list of people who will have to sit through all the painful details!!! And even though this trial is harder at time than it is at others. It has nothing to do with my happiness for you! If we are friends it is for a reason! And whether you are dating, engaged or married I still want to be part of you life!
I know that things have to change and people move on! Believe me I know about this all to well. I understand that this person is a huge part of you life and will be for a long time. PLEASE understand We (those still single) are trying to get used to the new way of doing things! Change is not something that you get used to over night! It just takes some getting used to is all. But that does not mean in anyway that we are not wanting to be part of it! Really if you think about it we are living through you, so please don't leave us out!!
I know this was a lot of rambling and maybe it did not even make any sense. But I guess what I am trying to say is this. Even though being at this stage in my life is not my idea of fun. I am OK!! I also am trying to say that not being in the loop is much worse that it seems. So I am doing my part to expose this ELEPHANT in the room!
I know someday these things will happen in my life too! So until then I will be OK!
Having said that...
Sometimes people who are in relationships or even married try to help a little to much. They tend to tip toe around those of us who are not there yet. I know they are trying to not rub their bliss into our faces. But truth be told this hurts even more. I want to know the fun things that are happening in your life. I want to know the details of your dates. I want to know the cute things he said to you that made you have butterflies. I want to be involved in your life! Please know that I am able to handle the fact that I am not there now. I will share my stories of this nature with you when the time comes. Believe me I have a list of people who will have to sit through all the painful details!!! And even though this trial is harder at time than it is at others. It has nothing to do with my happiness for you! If we are friends it is for a reason! And whether you are dating, engaged or married I still want to be part of you life!
I know that things have to change and people move on! Believe me I know about this all to well. I understand that this person is a huge part of you life and will be for a long time. PLEASE understand We (those still single) are trying to get used to the new way of doing things! Change is not something that you get used to over night! It just takes some getting used to is all. But that does not mean in anyway that we are not wanting to be part of it! Really if you think about it we are living through you, so please don't leave us out!!
I know this was a lot of rambling and maybe it did not even make any sense. But I guess what I am trying to say is this. Even though being at this stage in my life is not my idea of fun. I am OK!! I also am trying to say that not being in the loop is much worse that it seems. So I am doing my part to expose this ELEPHANT in the room!
I know someday these things will happen in my life too! So until then I will be OK!
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