I finally figured out a way to post this story on my blog!!! It is one that I will want to keep around for posterity and I figure this is a pretty safe place! So I am sorry for all of you that thought this was a new tale of me going to jail. But it is not and for the record I do not intend on ever making a trip there again! And for those of you that have read this on facebook it is nothing new! But you are more than welcome to read it again! After all it is a pretty good story if I do say so myself and...I do!!
My Time in the SLAMMER!!!
Shaniqua was back on the road on 11/13/2007!!! I was so happy I almost did a little dance when I was informed that she was ready for me!! I picked her at around 10 pm. I was driving home feeling pretty good about having my wheels back. When just as I had cranked up the radio and getting into my song. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the much to familiar flashing red, blue and white lights!! “What in the heck did I do now?” kept running through my head as I waited ever so patiently for the police officer to make his way to my window. I was told that my headlight was out. I was given another “Fix-it” ticket. Again I was given the run down of how to take care of it. I was under the impression that they were now one ticket and if I got it fixed I would be fine! Boy oh boy was I ever wrong!!
The fateful date of 11/19/2007 came. Heather and I were out doing some Christmas shopping. We were headed to grab a late night bite to eat. When, to my dismay the lights were flashing in my mirror. Well again the officer came to my window and told me my light was out. I explained that I was aware of this and would be going to get it fixed in just 2 days when I get paid! I also mentioned that I had 2 tickets but was under the understanding that they were now one. He said “You know those go to warrant.” I honestly thought he was kidding. Heather and I had a good laugh about how funny it would be if I really had a warrant out for my arrest.
The officer came back and said “Miss Bailey I have some bad news for you. There is a warrant for your arrest and I by law have to take you into custody.” I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face. Then when he continued to look less than amused, I realized he might be serious. I said “Are you for real?” He said “Oh yes I am.” Still thinking this was some kind of joke I said “Can you handcuff me?” He said “I have to. Would you please step out of the vehicle?” Oh my heck, it was just like on TV and I was the female lead! I got out and was crying and laughing all at the same time. I was pleased to see that another officer had come to join the fun. I will never look at those people the same on the side of the road with multiple officers there. It was all protocol I guess. I was told to stand against the back of the car and place my hands behind my back. The second officer asked me how I was doing, what did he want me to say? “I am so good” was all that came out of my mouth. I was still looking around trying to find the cameras. But don’t be fooled like I was, there were no cameras. As I was being cuffed, I asked “Do I have to talk to my bishop about this.” The officers just looked at each other as if they wanted to ask, “is this girl for real?’ Heather asked me over and over if she wanted me to have her call my mom. And without really thinking I said “Yeah and why don’t you call my work and the Herald Journal as well!”
I still was thinking this is a really good joke, somebody got me really good. And when I find out who they are, I will get them back. I was promptly put into the police car. The new Charger and they are really nice incase anybody is wondering. The officer got on his radio and called into where ever they call into. To say he is in route with a white female 1082. He gave his starting mileage to the person on the other end of the line and we were off. It was so odd to know I was being talked about on the radio I loved to listen to at Jenny and Ben’s.
I still thought it was a prank, I mean I was being arrested!!! We were driving toward the jail. The officer was explaining that if Heather had not been there they would have impounded my car. And how big of a fine that would have been. I don’t know if he thought he was helping, but I defiantly preferred the silence. It was giving me time to think about how I was going to get back at whoever did this to me. At the gate the officer radioed inside and said “This is so and so I am here with a white female 1082. My ending mileage is blah, blah, blah.” “Come on in.” said the voice from the inside. Out of curiosity I asked the office “What is a 1082?” “It means you’re a prisoner.” He must have seen the shock on my face because he quickly changed his definition to “Well a person in custody.”
We waited while these doors opened and I was driven inside a concrete room. The doors closed with a slam. This is when I realized “Holy Crap! I am in jail.” I was told to stay in the car while he came around and took off my seat belt. I felt like I was 4 years old again and my parents were helping me because the button was too hard. But this time I was just handcuffed and couldn’t do it myself if I really wanted to. I was walked inside and told to take a seat on the chair. I looked at what they called a chair. That is a chair? I would have called it a concrete block but, whatever.
I was not sure of the rules. Was I allowed to talk, blink, cough, crack my knuckles out of shear terror? There really should be a hand book. While I was sitting there scared out of my mind. I remember something Heather had said to me right before I was asked to “step out of the vehicle.” “Aubrey your zipper is down.” Great I had not zipped it up, so I was bearing my whole self to anyone who wanted to look. Remember I was handcuffed, so the chances of somehow getting it up I was out of the question. But I was not about to ask the officer to do it for me. I may be in jail, but I have standards to uphold. So I just sat there on my “chair” with my zipper down.
The officer filled out all kinds of paper work while I just sat there. I knew Heather was there to bail me out and just kept thinking this was such a waste of time. But who am I to question the judicial system. He was finally done with his paper work and called the female office in from the other room. She waited outside while the large metal doors slid open for her to enter. I was ok with the extra company that is until I saw she was wearing latex gloves! I was going over in my mind all the reasons she might need gloves and let’s just say there is not one that was pleasant. I was freaking out, but my zipper was already down that should save her some work heaven; forbid I was going to get a complete search. The officer who brought me in, well his work was done. So he gave me his regards and left me alone with the gloved woman. I was told to spit out my gum. I was so embarrassed I was in jail, my zipper was down and now I had to have bad breath? I had sunk to an all time low! I was told to stand with my feet apart and face the wall. I was then patted down. I was so uncomfortable I hate being touched. And I was having my pockets gone through, and the waist band of my pants searched. Um hello? I was then finally un-cuffed and told to sit back on my chair. I had to remove my shoes and socks. Which might I add did not match and one had a whole in it. But I did have on clean underwear! But thank heavens I was not asked to prove it. I asked her if Dr Redd was working that night. She said "No, why?" I just smiled and said "Well he is a good family friend and since I am here I thought I would say hello!" You guesse it was was answered with the look I was starting to know.
I was taken to the holding cell where I would wait until they were ready for me. Let me paint you a picture of my surroundings…. The cell was about 5 rows of very low end theater chairs. There was a large window that you could see nothing out of. However I am fairly confident that from the other side you could see everything just fine. There was a phone used for making that “one phone call” (Just a word of warning. You are only allowed to call land lines from the slammer. No cell phones or collect folks this is jail. So if you ever foresee you self in the slammer make sure you have at least one phone number memorized.) There is a restroom that I am sure you could use if you really had to go. But know this there is no door, so you have to be pretty uncomfortable to take that step.
I know by this point you are wondering who was in the cell with me? So I will just go ahead and tell you. There was “Rocking Man” he was crying and rocking back and forth on the floor. I don’t think he was really happy to be there. Next we have “No friend’s man” he was using the phone to call all the people in his life. Trying to raise bail money, so he could go home and sleep in his own bed. And last but not least we have “Memory loss man” Our conversation went a little something like this:
MLM- “So what you in for?”
Me- “A fix it ticket.”
MLM- “A what?”
Me- “My headlight was out.”
MLM – “Oh ok”
Roughly 3 minutes would go by and the conversation would happen all over again. Until the officer saw what was happening and told him to turn around a face the wall. Needless to say I would not be making any friends for life in this environment. I sort of stuck out like a sore thumb.
Finally my name was called. I was ready to be booked into jail! I went up to the counter where I was asked a battery of questions from who my parents are to where I work. Excuse me but is my life story really of their business? But again who am I to question the law.
It was time for finger prints and a mug shot. For those of you who have never had their finger prints taken, it’s not all that pleasant. They soak each finger and then press it rather hard onto screen for the computer to read. Well naturally my fingerprints were not reading. So the officer held my fingers up real close to his face and simply said “that’s what I thought.” I said “Sir I promise they are mine.” He looked at me with that look I was getting really used to and said “your hands are just really dry.” Talk about kicking me when I am down. All I could say in my defense was “Well if I had known I was coming I would have had a manicure.” I was given that look and then nothing but silence.
Now it was time for the mug shot. This is only going to happen once in my lifetime so I did not want to screw it up. I asked the officer what I was supposed to do. He said just stand there. Ok but do I smile, look all sorts of ticked off, look into the camera?? Once again a handbook would have been really helpful. I was still totally out of my element so I asked him “how does my hair look?” “Your hair looks fine. On 3.” Ok well since I was given no further guidelines I decided to make this a good picture! So I cheesed the heck out of the shot. I am talking head tilted and showing all my pearly whites. I have never seen this picture of myself but I am pretty sure it is amazing.
Heather was asked for the money to bail me out with. She handed it over, signed some papers and I was a free woman! Talk about a once in a lifetime experience! 2.5 hours and $250.00 was about all I could handle. I went to my mom’s house to give the full report of my night. I got there and the door was locked, lights off and everyone was asleep. They thought it was a joke! So I was in the slammer and my mom went to bed. I finally woke Ashlee up with the doorbell. I went straight to my mom’s bedroom and showed her my bruised wrists from the handcuffs. She said nothing but “you went to jail?” And that is when I burst into tears! But now it makes for a great story
