Am I speaking English??

Working with the public is always good for a laugh! I have been in awe lately because of the people I encounter everyday! I have to ask many questions, multiple times a day. I am pretty sure the words coming out of my mouth are in English. I am certain I have not come up with a new language spoken only by the Aubrey's of the world. I thought the responses I get through the day are much too mind boggling to keep to myself! Here are a few of my questions and the responces I get.

Aubrey: "Have you been fasting 12 hours, nothing but water?
Patient: "Yep I have not had anything but cereal and diet coke for breakfast"

Aubrey: "I have you living in Smithfield and show you have Medicare is that correct?"
Patient: "Yes" (I then give them a paper to sign saying I have their information correct.) "Oh I live in Logan now and I no longer have Medicare"

Aubrey: "The Dr. wants a Clean Cathe Urine sample. Here is the cup and the wipe the directions are on the wall. Do you have any questions?"
Patient: "Nope" (same patient returns a few minutes later and hands me the wipe.) "I am not sure if you know this but there is a sink in there so I did not use the wipe."

I could go on and on but I will let those little gems make my point for now! Every once in a while I have a moment where the Patient will ask me something and I have no Idea how to respond. And I simply do the best I can! Those conversations go a little something like this!

Patient: "I seem to have coughed up the carpet. Do you think it is possible I coughed up the carpet!!??"
Aubrey: (After I recovered form the initial shock from the question) "Well... Have you been eating the carpet?"

I love my job and all the crazy things I come across!